Buy Some Candy! Don't Forget to Bring the Kids!!!

Yesterday, we in the Lehigh Valley decided we decided to concentrate on what really matters. While the rest of you saps were worried about international terrorism or whatever stunt media-whore Donald Trump was pulling, in eastern Pennsylvania we were engaged in a social media flame war that involved unruly children and a business owner who I would love to meet.

This is the age of social media, where any nitwit with a company-owned laptop can have a blog and any personal you issue you have can be brought out for all to see. What we know is a woman and her child visited a quaint, downtown Bethlehem candy store  and it didn't go to well. Let's turn it over to Tam Lyn, Tam?

Last Summer, TripAdvisor had overwhelmingly positive reviews for a place that turned out to be an absolute dump (That would be Diamond Cove Cottages, Lake  George NY) - and we all know people with personal vendettas like to write negative reviews. This little blurb would have sunk into obscurity if the owner had simply ignored it or given the standard boilerplate response along the lines of "At The Candy Lab, we pride ourselves on giving out patrons the best customer experience possible. We have been in business for over a decade and have had thousands of satisfied patrons, both young and old alike! We're sorry you did not enjoy your Candy Lab experience but hope you will visit us again to try our free samples as well as our chocolate covered bacon! We appreciate your feedback!"

Apparently the owner of Candy Lab skipped the day when they covered social media engagement at business school. Here was the response:

HELL YEAH BABY!!!! TAKE YOUR SCUMBAG KIDS AND YOUR MEASLY $30 AND GO POUND SAND!

At my age - anything I haven't seen 1,000 times is refreshing - and this response left me wanting more. "I had a big fish on the hook and you and your bratty kid we're about to screw it up! Go the hell elsewhere!"

I can't get enough of this woman!!! I wonder if she's single!

All of the local media outlets (all 3..maybe 4 of them) covered this story in depth and Facebook was full of endless discussions on the topic. A bunch of schleps went to the stores page and - you can see this coming - said that "as a parent, I'm appalled, I will never visit your store." They probably wrote these reviews on their iphone from the candy section at Walmart.

The customer's always right?! Ask anyone who has ever dealt with "the customer" how true that one is!


No - the owner's response probably wasn't smart - but there's no such thing as bad publicity. I may even take a stroll down there today - kids in tow. I LOVE Brownies!

Liberty HS with the Red Hot Chilli Pipers

When I first heard about this I honestly thought the LHS Pipers were going to be playing with the Red Hot Chili PEPPERS - and I spent way too much time wondering how they were going to work bagpipes into  "Give it Away."

Clearly it, it's Pipers, not Peppers - but it looks like both the Grenadiers and the entertaining group from the UK all had a great time. I always felt like you only had to learn 3 songs to be in a bagpipe band - and Scotland the Brave alone may get you a spot in some groups. My favorite is Highland Cathedral - which opens this segment. I will say - I never thought Pipers could "rock" - but these guys certainly approximate it!

A Shopping "Savings" Problem

There are times in life where I feel like I'm winning. 

• That moment when I'm filling my gas tank for $.80/gallon thanks to the reward points at the grocery store. 
• Those days when  Giant is selling four Pepsi 6-packs for $10 AND I have a coupon. 
• The one time every two years I can get my haircut for free at Supercuts!
• The 2 or 3 times/year I can buy something completely frivolous (like an indoor basketball hoop that hangs over a door) and feel like it's "free" because I have all these reward points. 

I LOVE feeling like I'm beating the system. I say to myself: "Sure they HAVE the reward points, and coupons and buy-one get one frees but they didn't factor ME into the equation!" I like to think they'd be out of business if every shopper was such an adept accumulator of loss leaders and reward points!

They're laughing at me of course. Walgreens. Giant, Weis Markets, and every company that puts out coupons. I'm the idiot they make the most off of. 

Crap I don't need:

If you're ever going through something in your life, and the solution to it involves obtaining an ungodly amount of shower gel, or any kind of body wash, body spray or shaving products, don't hesitate to call me. I'll hook you up. It's what friends do!

I have a "thing" for rewards points. My drugstore of choice is Walgreens - but all the main chains do it in some form. On Sundays - when the new sales start - I stroll into Walgreens like a kid in the candy store...Looking for those blue tags that promote how many points you'll get if you but a certain product. 

Those blue tags are almost ALWAYS on shower gel products - and more often than not, Axe products are sporting the blue tags as well. 5,000 points when I spend $15 on participating Axe products..."HEY WOW!!!" I say to myself..."So that's like getting the products for $10! AND I have a coupon - it will be insane not to participate in this deal!?" And I laugh at the stupidity of Walgreens and Axe management - "how can they stay in business when they are practically giving this stuff away."

So my linen closet has no less than a dozen Axe-related products. Shower gel, body spray, deodorant, hair gel (?). For good measure there are four bottles of Dove body wash, 3 Old-Spice body sprays, God knows how many Gillette gel deodorants and enough razors to last me the rest of my life (and I don't screw around when it comes to razors, if there aren't at least four blades I don't consider it worthy of touching my face!) 

In my pantry there is an odd assortment of products I don't think anybody is ever going to eat unless we are forced to live in our basement for over a month. I got drawn into some sort of promotion where I could mix and match any seven products on the list and save $.30 on gas!!! I figured "there's really no such thing as too much canned ravioli and WOW the savings on gas!"

For the record - I drive less than 9,000 miles/year. 

The highlight, the grand enchilada of my existence is when I have accumulated 300 coupons, diligently gone through all of the Sunday ads and announce to myself (because strangely, nobody else in my life gets excited about this stuff!) that I'm going to do a "coupon sweep!" What I do there is go through the store and buy ONLY things that are buy one get one free OR that I have a coupon for. The buy one get one deals are almost always the same...If you need some Arm and Hammer laundry detergent, a boatload of philly chip-steaks, or if you are having some sort of special war where frozen meatballs are being used as ammunition - feel free to reach out. I have all of those things in droves. 

My stupidity isn't fully entrenched in these cases. At least I'm SORT of getting a deal. 

Coupons are where I lose it. 

Here's the ugly truth that I don't like to admit as I proudly look at my receipt after a coupon sweep... The store brands are cheaper - even with coupons. So yeah - I get that momentary rush when the coupon scans and I get $.40 cents off because I bought two huge-ass jars of Hellmans Mayo which would be enough to run a deli for a week...Meanwhile - I could have stocked the same deli for a month if I bought the store brand...And I don't care who you are: NOBODY's palate can distinguish mayo!

I guess I have a problem. A savings "addiction" maybe? 

Is it just me?!

We Celebrate Small Victories

It's Time For Me to Parent

For the most part, being the father of Jocelyn Marie and Joseph Aaron has been a pretty easy gig.

Aside from a 1st grade incident where she lashed a girl on the hand  with a jump rope as some sort of initiation into an exclusive club, I've never gotten anything but praise from any adult that has dealt with her.  She's self-motivated, good-hearted, and hard-working. She's always made me look like a better father than I am.

Jojo isn't nearly as self-motivated, but he's always been good to the core. He'd give you his last piece of candy. He's a double-edged sword, the fact that he doesn't give a crap about anything - he regularly forgets what day it is - is part of his charm. It's also maddening at times.

But he's a regular boy - and he's decent, loyal and loving. I see it most vividly in sports when the games are well in hand and he does everything he can to set up the lesser players for THEIR moment. I see it in how generously he gives. I see it in how he treats animals. And behavior wise, he's done a couple of "normal boy" things - but nothing I'm too worried about.

I was a HELL of a lot worse at his age.

"You have good kids" I'm told routinely, as well as the corollary "you're a great Dad." The truth is I haven't done much, they make me look a lot better than I am.

My kids need me now - more than ever, and I'm not sure what to do.

My daughter is having trouble sleeping. She has a sadder affect than I've ever seen her have. I rarely see true joy out of her anymore. We've talked about it. It seemed like we pin-pointed it to her having trouble the week of band festivals - where she auditions to go to the next level. That was the theory. While I certainly wanted to address that - you can't stop sleeping every time something big is coming up - she made state band this past weekend. She smiled for about 20 minutes. But it stopped. She's not morose, there's just something wrong. She said she's having trouble sleeping again.

She says she can't stop thinking. I'm trying to give her some tools and we're getting her someone to talk to. She insists she's not being bullied - a concern I've had ever since she came out. There are a couple of friends that have dropped off the scene but others have come on - and they seem like character kids as well. I know her girlfriends Mom is VERY much against the relationship and does everything she can to thwart it. She understands that nobody is going to be upset if she doesn't make district, regional, or state band. I would chalk it up to "normal" teenage behaviour, but there's nothing "normal" about either side of her family tree. She knows that - and that makes her worry too.

She doesn't want to be like her Mom - and the closest thing she had to a Mom has moved away. That's my fault. That's for later.

At least Jojo knows how to talk to women!
He just can't read. 

Jojo's reading has been an issue for years - but it has reached critical mass. After making honor roll first marking period his reading grade dropped to a C in the second and at mid-term it's a solid F. We read together every night now - something frankly I haven't done nearly as consistently as I should - and lord does he struggle. I keep believing if we keep working hard at it there will be a breakthrough - that he'll somehow get it. He's never read at grade level - but he's never been that far behind. But quite honestly I think he's on par with a lot of 3rd and 4th graders. I look at places like Sylvan - but I've gotten mixed reviews and that's a lot of money on a maybe. I look for websites and exercises - but they are mostly geared at younger kids..Everyone I ask whose an expert says the same thing - "read with him." So I got a couple of books I hoped he'd be interested in and we read together. I read a paragraph, he reads a paragraph. He reads word to word - he misses a lot of concepts. It blows my mind he hasn't fallen well behind in math yet.

This isn't my finest hour either. Mary was a part of my life, a part of me, for over 4 years and I still expect her to come through the door sometimes. I won't get into what cause Mary to leave as there's no one reason - but rest assured there's a lot I wish I had done differently. She was my best friend. I miss her. The finality of it didn't hit me for a few weeks but it's hitting me hard now.

I want another cat and name
it Smithers. But then I'll
want an Apu. Where does it end?

 I am incredibly sad about my Dad - I feel like the worlds worst son. And like it often happens with me - I'm upset about just about everything...I'm mad at my lack of career growth, my weight, my failure as a Father...the house I live in. I also hate my stupid cat Flanders - but he makes my kids happy. Particularly my daughter. Money concerns are constant.

Years ago I used to contemplate suicide in these down times - but at least I've evolved to the point where I don't consider that option. I don't have that luxury. I also know one thing: I've fought this battle before, and I've won.

But it's not about me now. It's about my kids - who need me for the first time in their life.

The Ugly Side of the Republican Party

OK, I didn't see this coming. Not many people did. Certainly not the GOP "establishment."

The problem that the GOP was able to carefully avoid for years is that Donald Trump's hate represents a significant portion of their base. For a good many Republicans, big government isn't a problem.  The poorest states invariably vote red - they NEED big government more than they care to admit. And these Republicans aren't too concerned about the Capital Gains tax. They don't understand the Affordable Care Act. And their right to bear arms has not been challenged.

Donald Trump has no real ideology. He's proud, almost brazen about this. He was not a naive 20-something when he was basically a Democrat. He doesn't answer any questions in the debates he dominates. He's not the self-made man American's love. I may disagree with Mitt Romney and John McCain on ideological levels - but I never doubted their character.

There is a segment of America that simply never wanted to accept Obama because of the color of his skin. It's not playing the race card - it's an undeniable truth. Donald Trump and his "birther" crap spoke to this segment.

On election night in 2012, when it became obvious that President Obama was going to win a second term, I gleefully headed to Fox News. Yes - I got a perverse pleasure of watching them come up with excuses for America re-electing such an awful Commander-in-Chief.

I wasn't disappointed.

Karl Rove couldn't accept what Fox News' own pollsters had concluded: that the incumbent had won Ohio, thus giving him the election. His meltdown on live TV was classic stuff.

But the best, and the worst, was yet to come.  Bill O'Reilly, the undeniable face of Fox News whose show has been the most popular cable news show for longer than I care to think about, offered his very telling perspective on why Obama had basically cruised to victory. It was almost like the member of a secret society leaking their most sacred of secrets. It was the most telling segment in recent history about the current "party of Lincoln."



Yes folks. Obama won because he appealed to the people that want government handouts. "They want stuff." He goes further and explains who these cretins are: minorities. 20 years ago, when we had "traditional" (white) America we wouldn't have to deal with a black president. Now we do - too many minorities.

Some of it he said - some of it was more than implied.

Not every Republican is of this school of thought. For some it actually IS about taxes, big government, school choice, hell even abortion. But for a significant portion, enough that Donald Trump seems to be on a collision course with the nomination, are rallying around him for no other reason than he seems to have a significant disdain for minorities.

Here are the four main characteristics of Trump supporters: They are largely uneducated, they think they don't have a political voice, they have a problem with "outsiders" (foreigners), and they live in parts of the country where racial resentment is the most rampant.

I hesitate to generalize about a party that makes up such a large segment of the population. I have black friends who are solidly Republican. I don't agree with everything on the Democratic party platform.

Remember, there are very few states where Trump has carried more than 50% of the vote. He has largely benefited from a weak overall field, and up until now a large field where one candidate could win with a relatively small percentage of votes. But Trump supporters are single issue voters: Fear is their ideology. Fear that blacks and foreigners will take over. It has never been about policy - many Trump supporters benefit from the "welfare state" they claim to despise.

Underestimating Trump's appeal led to a mess in the GOP, but it could lead to a bigger mess in America. This country has historically accepted black men in leadership positions prior to women (black women get the ultimate shaft has been given to black women but that's another story).

Hillary should defeat Donald - but the vitriol is coming. Don't think for a second that many of the GOP supporters who are trying to distance themselves from Trump won't rally behind him come the convention.

60 to 40 is as wide a margin as we'll ever see in a general election. Given that the "news channels" do nothing but give people the talking points they want to here rather than present the whole story, I would imagine a landslide in this day and age would be 56-44. It won't be a landslide under the best of circumstances. If Hillary continues to run a second-rate campaign - she certainly hasn't learned much from her husband - it could be VERY close. If a significant third-party candidate emerges she could certainly lose.

To say that would be an embarrassment would be a serious understatement.

And should the day come that Trump wins the nomination - Fox News will embrace him. It will be comical - but the irony will be lost on those that worship at the altar or Roger Ailes.

Republicans: Start owning it. You've survived for a long time on a parasitic segment in your party that hates minorities. Now the idiots are about to take over the asylum. At least admit that's the problem.

Trump is selling nothing but hate. And right now, that's good enough to be the frontrunner.

So How Was Your Thanksgiving?

My Mom told me that 45 minutes would probably be all my Dad, or the rest of us, could handle. I never would have imagined I'd want to leave after 30 seconds. 

My Dad had a heart attack in 2007 and things have been deteriorating ever since. It's to the point I don't even tell people my Dad is doing badly - because it's getting old. I mean - those of you who were concerned about how my Dad was doing in 2011 are probably wondering how much longer I'm going to work this. 

I haven't had the misfortune of watching many people deteriorate in my life. Call my lucky - but it also makes me naive. Every time I am convinced my Dad couldn't get any worse he manages to deteriorate even further. 

I thought it was bad when he couldn't do anything without a walker. I thought it was bad when he did a complete faceplant at the viewing of a friend of his a couple of years ago - making no effort to break the fall. I thought he had to be dying soon when he inexplicably got in a car and started driving around the neighborhood - slamming into two other cars and into a curb before police got control of the matter. When he drove his scooter into the wall at the assisted living facility it was bad. Seeing my Dad wearing Depends made me sad. But I'm only scratching the surface of all of the things that have gone wrong over the past few years. 

I saw him less than two months ago. It wasn't pleasant. He went in and out of coherency. At different points in the day he looked at my daughter and asked her point blank "how long have you been looking like a boy?" He got tired quickly that day - we were celebrating my Mother's Birthday. But at least he had moments of lucidity. 

There were no such moments on Thanksgiving. 

He's been removed from the assisted living facility and he's now in a place designed for Alzheimers patients - but NOT designed for patients that need the kind of care he does. 

The first thing I noticed was his spine - he was hunched over like a C. It wasn't like that 7 weeks ago - I would have noticed. He's 72, he looked past 90. He couldn't sit himself up. 

I didn't have to worry about him insulting my kids (albeit with no malice) - because I'm not sure he recognized them. He sat in a chair and yelled. "WOULD SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME" and we'd try and rearrange him and he'd say it was better and we'd sit down and he'd yell it again "I NEED HELP! CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!" and my Mom would tell him we're doing all we can and he'd yell at her like a baby "NO YOU'RE NOT, IF YOU WERE I WOULDN'T FEEL SO BAD." She told him we'd be leaving soon and he could sleep..."YOU'VE BEEN SAYING THAT FOR AN HOUR NOW - CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME?" There was no rationalizing - there was no conversation. He didn't understand that Jocelyn made National Honor Society or that Jojo made Honor roll. He didn't understand the music Jocelyn was working on for her philharmonic group - even though my Dad had been playing that type of music most of his life. 

He had scars and bumps all over his face - I assume from falling out of bed but I didn't ask. His color looked awful. 

It ended mercifully after 39 minutes. We took him back to his room - past an area where it smelled putrid because another resident had made a mess on the floor. This is NOT a low-rent facility mind you - there's just no way anyone could keep up. His room was nice - and it is a single room. But he's beyond appreciating anything. This is a man with zero quality of life. I wouldn't wish what he's going through on anybody. 

I'll never take my kids to see him again - they don't deserve to have such awful memories of their grandfather - and he doesn't seem to recognize them anymore. 

We left and had a nice dinner at a local restaurant. I was too shocked to process what I had just seen. I heard my Mom say that today was tame compared to other days - that she hears him screaming from outside the facility sometimes. That he's horrible with the staff and to her. I heard it - but it didn't stick. 

It didn't stick on Black Friday either. 

But today I finally broke down. I was making pasta and meatballs...I thought it would be nice to put my mind on something. Then I just started crying. 

I cried because my Mom is dealing with this pretty much alone - I feel like I should be doing so much more - but I don't know where to start. 

I feel bad because my relationship with my parents is so damn stiff. We don't hug - we never have. What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I hug my Father or my Mom?

I'm sad because this can go on for a long time. His vital signs - their fine - his mind is gone...His body is completely failing him - but he's not facing imminent death. We could replay a similar scene in a year..in two years. And I cried because I just want to believe that there's a God that's going to spare him any more suffering - but there's nothing but silence at the other end of the prayer line. We have mercy on animals whose body is failing them - but we let people wither away for years. My Dad is leaving with no dignity. 

I cried because my Dad has never been a very happy man.

 He's hated himself - and he never learned to cope well with stress. He would fly off the handle so easily - but rarely was the anger directed at anyone in particular. He had a pure heart. He gave quietly and regularly to charities. He did a million thankless behind-the-scenes job for the church and never asked for nor would he accept praise. He wasn't a perfect Father - but who is? And this much is certain: I NEVER wanted for anything. 

He could speak to almost anything my Dad. He had a PHD in Astronomy but for the most part he hated mentioning it, he certainly never asked anyone to refer to him as "Dr." - because he felt like his career was a colossal failure. He paid his bills on time. He worked at jobs he hated because he had a family - just like a lot of people do. He was brilliant - smarter than I could ever dream of being. But his brilliance only made  him miserable - he always felt he should be more. He never felt comfortable around most people. He had few friends. He wasn't very good with kids - it's not that he didn't like them, he just wasn't comfortable talking at a lower level. He had trouble concentrating - so loud kids got him angry. He spazzed out at a few of my friends - but he always apologized. Still - I largely kept my friends away from home. It was easier than explaining that my Dad wasn't angry at anyone but himself. 

I wanted to talk to him for years. To tell him that I thought he did OK. That I never saw him take short cuts, that I never saw him do anything dishonest, that I admired his willingness to fly in the shadows. He put my Mom through seminary so she could have a second career. He put me through college without loans. He helped me more as an adult than I care to admit. I did OK when they passed out Fathers. I did damn well. He deserved to hear that. 

But I never said it - and for the life of me I can't explain why. And I cry hardest for my missed opportunity to do the right thing. 

On Monday a lot of people are going to ask how my Thanksgiving was, and I'm going to smile and say "it was nice." Because that's what you do. 

Why am I blogging this? Because when I looked at Facebook on Thanksgiving it hurt. The truth is I feel like I'm failing most of the time I look at Facebook but I've worked through most of my inadequacies. But this Thanksgiving - I just wanted to be living the life that so many people were portraying - I never know how "Real" the posts on Facebook are. 

I know I'm not alone when I say I had a pretty shitty Thanksgiving. I know that 75% of the world would trade life situations with me in a heartbeat. I know people have parents who are in situations similar to my Dad - or God forbid have sick children. 

And if you're Thanksgiving sucked - I'll say it once again. You aren't alone. 

I hope it helps in some way to hear that.