Special Guest Blog: Loving a Soccer Coach

Written by Mary -  who I couldn't do it without! 
On our first date I should have known

Aaron called me to tell me he was running late as I pulled into the parking garage in downtown Bethlehem on my way to the Brew Works. “Practice went a little long and then I had to wait a while for one of the kid’s parents – this girls parents are ALWAYS late,” he explained frantically. He told me to go in and get myself a drink and he’d be there soon.

He arrived a bit later (I’ve since learned to add 20% to whatever time frame he gives) in a nice button down in dire need of ironing and khakis. The first concern of all women who date online was assuaged – he definitely wasn’t married. No woman would let her husband stroll around with those kind of wrinkles. But he was clean, polite, and in a goofy way, charming. “Sorry about that” he said again explaining his lateness. “This is my last season coaching” he said.

Before I completely lambast that statement I will say that there was a period where he didn’t coach after that season. However he’s now coaching his 6th team since that night and there is no end in sight – so his retirement seems long ago. Even when he wasn’t coaching he was more than active – he basically did whatever the coach needed or wanted. If that meant running balls on the sidelines he did that. If it meant running drills he did that.

But back to our initial meeting, my first impression. He was coaching his daughter’s soccer team. It soon came out he had another child, a son who was four years younger than his daughter. “Does he play?” I asked – you talk about anything you can on these first dates – but to his credit Aaron kept it interesting even though the topic wasn’t my favorite thing. “Oh he plays,” he said with a smile, “but he’s too good for me to coach.”

 I didn’t know what he was talking about – but with Aaron you smile and nod a lot. We had a nice time that night in September, 2011. Aaron would quickly become an integral part of my life.

 So would soccer.

 “Find something you love” Aaron tells his kids at the end of every season he coaches. “It can be sports, music, art, writing, gardening, calculus – whatever, but find something that makes you happy and do it.” He practices what he preaches. He loves coaching, loves working with the kids, loves soccer (and basketball – which I am sad to report manages to take up our Winter months while the grass is not playable.)

 I wasn't a soccer fan before him. I watched it, my children played it but my interest was in supporting my kids, not in the game. This has changed with Aaron in my life. I now know way too much about this silly sport he told me was “the beautiful game.”

“Did you know if the wind blows the ball backwards into the goal without anyone touching it on a goal kick, it’s NOT an own goal but a corner kick for the opposing team?” He asked me this one morning out of the blue. He found this fascinating. Since I didn’t meet this statement with an appropriate level of awe and wonderment he went downstairs and went about trying to recreate the scenario on the Xbox FIFA 14 game. “I’ll bet EA Sports gets this one wrong” he said excitedly while telling Jojo to figure out how to make a ball go backwards with the remote control.

 Whenever I object to the insane demands this places on his time, OUR time he dismisses it with “it’s not all glamour being the partner of an e-licensed soccer coach babe...this is the life we’ve chosen.”

Glamour? Chosen? What’s he talking about. Aaron has this amazing ability to walk the line between serious and levity almost all of the time. Part of you knows he really isn’t that self-important, part of you wonders if he’s really isnane. “We’re Eagles Mary” he says – referring to the name of his team – as if that simple statement explains everything.

 It explains nothing.

And yet I smile and drive to practice because I am an Eagle. Or at least I love two of them, Aaron and Jojo. I often come home wanting to talk about my day just to be sidetracked by Aaron’s newest plan to make the team better. I don’t know how he does it. I’ll talk about how I had to work a case I wasn’t that comfortable with because I was the best available option and Aaron will take that in, stare off into the distance and mutter…”You know you’re right, Jojo needs to start playing defense. That’s what the team needs him to do right now.”

 I found myself near tears a few weeks ago for reasons I won’t bore you with. I will make clear, however, my being upset had nothing to do with soccer. Aaron, however, wasn’t so sure. “What’s wrong?” he asked me as I sat in our living room fighting back tears. Then Aaron’s face lit up as if he got it…”I understand” he said reassuringly…”That was a bad call giving them the penalty kick. It killed our momentum.”

 Maddening to be sure – but it’s Aaron so there’s an even chance he was kidding.

 This past Spring season was brutal and the last three games were probably the toughest. The Eagles played in extreme temperatures with no subs. They lost all three, but they played their hearts out and left everything on the field. One of Aaron’s favorite quotes is “You learn from winning, you learn something different but equally valuable from losing. You don’t learn anything from not trying.”

His kids seem to get it. And in those moments I realize why he believes so much in this. It’s doubtful he’ll produce a single soccer pro, or basketball star, but it’s a definite fact that all of these kids will go on to become adults. The things he preaches the loudest – demanding that all of his kids be leaders, that they carry themselves with pride and class, that they never stop fighting – the messages resonate far beyond soccer.

 Most of the kids Aaron coaches come from good homes and have plenty of role models. This isn’t a Hollywood story, Aaron isn’t a father figure to anyone but his son. But he does want the best for those boys – I don’t think other parents realize how much he cares about their welfare.

I’m not the fanatic Aaron is – but I can say I “get it” now. I’ve made friends through this, I’ve watched these kids grow and I’ve become quite fond of all of them. Every once in a while a girl who played for Aaron 5 or 6 years ago will come up to say hi to him. It always makes Aaron happier than words can say.

 And it won’t last forever, in fact it will be over all too soon. It may be a year. It may be two or three – but it won’t be that long in the scheme of things. I know in the end Aaron won’t regret the time spent doing it – and I can’t argue with him as I know how fast it ends.

 So I look forward to another season of Aaron scouring the internet, Amazon, and wherever else for the latest drills. Another few months of Aaron becoming an expert in meteorology who can explain in ridiculous detail why the thunderstorm headed to this area is going to affect everything but his practice field. Another season of watching Aaron always one step behind on the mountains of paperwork and other stuff needed to play games and enter tournaments. I’ll get another few months of Aaron waking up early on game day and dragging everyone downstairs to watch motivational videos because “we need a culture of winning in this house so that the Eagles can win more games.”
(Again – I have no idea if he’s serious, I smile and nod).

 He’s not a great soccer coach. He’d hand it over in a second to someone who could do it better – because he wants what’s best for the kids. He gets a LOT of help from other parents – and he knows he couldn’t do it without them. But he’s passionate about it – and there’s something contagious about it.

 Jojo – he’s passionate too. And he could be great. Not a bad sideshow.

Finding Our Groove on Lake George

The scenic view from our "Lake front" cabin

We arrived at the Diamond Cove Cottages in Lake George as excited as four people could be. We had a wonderful vacation in Vermont two years ago and  I was under the impression - now proven to be somewhat wrong - that Lake George, NY would be a lot like North Hero, VT only a little closer to a grocery store. As vacations go, we're duds. We move fast throughout the year - not as fast as some but faster than many - and our primary goal on vacation is to slow it the hell down. We have little in the way of itinerary. We like beautiful scenery, quiet, and water to fish in. Anything else is a bonus.

Or so we thought - we also kind of want a nice place to stay. 

Nice for a college dorm?

The ENTIRE "game room"

Our parents vacation with us and they hadn't arrived yet. We figured we'd just stroll the premises and take it all in. We wanted to see all the amenities this place had that made the "resort" - it is actually called a Lakeside Resort - something even better than our Lakefront Cabin. There was a basketball court, a game room, an exercise room and of course, a nice beach and dock off of which we could fish. Boats we could take out! It was going to be amazing!!!

They had all of that stuff - just not how we pictured it. We didn't expect a full sized court, a basket and 20 feet of safe area would work - but what we got was a basket leaning over with cones on both sides of the court which separated the court from a road to the main cabins..Oh - the court tilted pretty heavily. 

As for the game room - we had modest expectations as well, ping pong, foosball, maybe a miniature pool table and a couple of outdated arcade games would have been fine. A pinball machine would have been cool. They had four "games" - but only one was a real game. 

The cottages - well - do you remember the fight scene in Dirty Dancing?

All I can say is I was waiting for Patrick Swayze to jump out of one
of these things and beat me up. 

The beach... Very small, the dock wasn't horribly sized but was it wasn't configured so anyone could cast a line. The boats looked dumpy. They had a playground. Our kids are too old for playgrounds - but it didn't add to the charm of the place - I've seen much nicer ones in neighborhood back yards. 

And while we hadn't entered our cabin yet - (it was at least separated from the row of cabins that conjured up Dirty Dancing)  we had seen the outside and had definite reasons for concern. 

Home sweet..,.. (That's a pretty busy road in the back and this
story doesn't even mention our neighbors who had a brawl
after we went to bed. 

I didn't want to say it - but I knew we were in trouble. The place may have been less than we expected but we could have made it work if it were just Mary, Jojo, Jocelyn and I. But we had two more coming - and I wasn't optimistic that my parents would take to the place's rustic charm. 

I called over Mary - who was doing an amazing job of keeping it positive and trying to point out the good things to the kids.  

"I don't want to put a negative spin on this" I said quietly, "but this place is a dump." I wasn't sure what she'd say - we kind of balance each other on the optimism front and I thought she might give me reason to believe that my eyes were deceiving me. 

But even she couldn't pretend that we had found a hidden gem.  

"I know." She said. 

"My Mom is going to die when she sees this."

"I know." She said. 

So I called my first family meeting...You haven't lived until you experience one of my family meetings. "This place isn't quite what we expected and your grandparents might be a bit disappointed. PLEASE try to keep it positive this week. We will have fun and if you seem happy we have an even chance of them being happy."

They assured me they would keep it positive - and I was certain they would. Jojo actually thought the place was OK, and Jocelyn is old enough to understand things like that. 

So we walked to the cabin...My parents had arrived in the interim. 

I knew my parents wouldn't like the place - but I didn't have the foresight to predict the scene that awaited us when we walked in. 

My Dad was seated on the couch. I took a quick look around and realized that the cabin was every bit as dumpy as the grounds. "Hi," he said, "you're Mother's a little upset that there's only one bathroom." 

On cue my Mom stormed into the "great room" - this was a 12X10 room that served as a kitchen, living room and dining room complete with a 14 inch color tv! She was in hysterics - "THIS PLACE IS NOT NICE!!! I AM SO SORRY! I AM SO SORRY! I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW BAD THIS PLACE IS!!!" 

She had no reason to be sorry. We had all chosen the place - Travelocity had such loving reviews on the place you would think it was anointed by JC himself. But man was she pissed....

We tried to rally - but by the next day we had to move. The week was paid for in cash and we didn't get a dime of refund. THAT is how much it sucked. 

But it's not that simple. 

My Dad is in horrible health. It can take him five minutes to move 40 feet with his walker. He's frustrated and occasionally loses his temper..."I don't understand any of you people" he growled at dinner one night..."You carry on like idiots all the time and you're just so damn annoying..."

Nobody - besides my Mom - got upset with him. He's going through hell. We all hope we can exit the stage of life with dignity - and he's not. He's peeing in bed, falling regularly, unable to sit up for prolonged periods of time. He can yell at us, we're family. 

My Mom didn't quite see it that way. She went off on him in a huge way and then returned to our loft (our new accommodations at The Juliana  ) and told Mary and Jocelyn that my Dad was a horrible person she should have divorced 40 years ago. 

And you thought YOUR family vacations were fun!!!

All we wanted!!! And we finally

But it's turned around a lot the past couple of days. My daughter had her first college visit and it was so much fun to see her so excited. We spent some time in downtown Lake George and there's quite a bit to do. 

But most of all - we've finally relaxed. We found our peace. Jojo, Jocelyn, Mary and I -  we've kayaked, canoed, laughed and just been a family. We've endured - and we're better for it. 

We're dysfunctional as hell. But we're doing ok.