The Strange, Wonderful and RELAXING World of ASMR

Like so many people these days, sleep doesn't always come easily for me, and winding down at the end of the day can take hours.

For most of my life, I've taken the problem directly to big pharma and popped pills - be they OTC or the good stuff. (Note: EVERY single OTC sleep aid has the same active ingredient - every...single...one.) Sometimes I still resort to these remedies - but I'm increasingly trying other ways of slowing down my brain.I try to meditate - but quite honestly it's a discipline I just haven't mastered yet. Stopping my mind from barraging me with an endless stream of completely inane thoughts, concerns, memories and ideas by focusing solely on my breath is harder than dieting.

What an INSANE world we live in!

 Let's face it, we're all pretty much expected to check work email at least once at night.  Everybody in the universe has 24-7 access to you and God forbid you don't respond to their texts within a few minutes!

Many people  seem to resent anyone who takes time for themselves these days. Nobody needs 24-7 access to the Aaron Experience - especially considering up to 2 hours/day of it is watching Married With Children reruns! (every morning TBS shows at least four of them btw - just in case you "get it."

Enter ASMR.

It stands for "Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response " - a fact that frankly I didn't know until I googled it 30 seconds ago. You can do the same - a lot of people have mastered Google - and get a real definition as to what it is. But ASMR can't really be defined - it needs to be experienced.

If you were ever fortunate enough to have watched Bob Ross and his "Joy of Painting" show, well  that's as good place as any to start to explain ASMR.

I don't know what series of events led to me watching PBS in a lounge at Lafayette college - all I know is once I started watching this guy I didn't want to stop. He wasn't the kind of guy I would seek to  hang out with. I sure as hell don't know anything about art - but as he delicately painted some nature scene and he almost inaudibly whispered whatever the hell he was doing - well something just felt good about it. You couldn't help but relax.

Their used to be some cooking shows that used this concept. The host would quietly talk as he/she added the ingredients and you would watch them come together, listen to the sizzle of the pan and forget your worries for a while. Cooking shows aren't like this any more. Nobody loves Rachael Ray like I love Rachael Ray - but her appeal does not lie in her ability to calm me down. There was a cooking show I loved that featured some old guy - for the life of me I can't remember his name - but he dumped a LOT of wine into almost everything he cooked. Occasionally he'd quietly sing some Italian song. It was AMAZING television. He was so much better than Emeril or whatever flavor of the month chef is popular right now.

So getting back to the main point, I have a LOT of trouble falling asleep sometimes. For a while I was trying hypnosis which led me to some sort of whacky cult where the women dress like Mormon missionaries. Seriously - all of them where the same outfit and say the same thing - it's eerie scary!

But one good thing did come out of this.  I realized something: I really liked good looking girls talking to me while I was trying to fall asleep.

I don't recall the exact search term I used that led me into the magical world of ASMR - but it's my new favorite way to end the day.

One of the many reasons I have dubbed myself a freak is that I thought I was the only one who was relaxed by certain sounds or movements.  I actually get some perverse feeling of relaxation when  I'm speaking to someone who is quietly typing at a keyboard to input information I'm giving them.
When a doctor asks me to look straight ahead while they examine my eye with a bright light - I don't want it to end. I like getting my blood pressure taken - I LOVE having my lungs listened to with a stethoscope - and going to Supercuts to get my haircut is - ask anybody - the highlight of my month.

Little did I know that there's an entire WORLD of videos dedicated to kooks who relax to the aforementioned and similar sounds. Youtube has hundreds, if not thousands, of ASMR videos - many made by cute girls - that are made just to help me calm down! For FREE!!!!

So now my nightly routine is laying in bed with my Laptop while a cute young hottie does some roleplay designed to put me to sleep. You need to have good quality earbuds on or it just doesn't work as well - as the audio is a big part of the experience. The biggest challenge of this is finding what I'm in the mood for. I have two absolute favorites that I fall asleep too. I'll end with them - but rest assured there are hundreds more where they do cranial nerve exams - even HAIRCUTS!
So here are two of my favorites:

The first is by a girl who I consider the  ultimate queen of the ASMR genre: Heather Feather. Heather has at least 40 videos and they're all AWESOME but my favorite one is where she pretends to go inside your brain and fix whatever the hell is wrong. It's called "Brain Pause"








The second is where this lunatic witch casts a spell and...well I don't know what the hell happens because I've never made it through more than 10 minutes of the video without conking out.








Make no mistake - these videos are corny as hell - and I expect most of you will have a WTF feeling about the whole thing! But if you're an insomniac and you haven't tried this method yet - I encourage you to do so - I might even start up a support group!!!

Buy Some Candy! Don't Forget to Bring the Kids!!!

Yesterday, we in the Lehigh Valley decided we decided to concentrate on what really matters. While the rest of you saps were worried about international terrorism or whatever stunt media-whore Donald Trump was pulling, in eastern Pennsylvania we were engaged in a social media flame war that involved unruly children and a business owner who I would love to meet.

This is the age of social media, where any nitwit with a company-owned laptop can have a blog and any personal you issue you have can be brought out for all to see. What we know is a woman and her child visited a quaint, downtown Bethlehem candy store  and it didn't go to well. Let's turn it over to Tam Lyn, Tam?

Last Summer, TripAdvisor had overwhelmingly positive reviews for a place that turned out to be an absolute dump (That would be Diamond Cove Cottages, Lake  George NY) - and we all know people with personal vendettas like to write negative reviews. This little blurb would have sunk into obscurity if the owner had simply ignored it or given the standard boilerplate response along the lines of "At The Candy Lab, we pride ourselves on giving out patrons the best customer experience possible. We have been in business for over a decade and have had thousands of satisfied patrons, both young and old alike! We're sorry you did not enjoy your Candy Lab experience but hope you will visit us again to try our free samples as well as our chocolate covered bacon! We appreciate your feedback!"

Apparently the owner of Candy Lab skipped the day when they covered social media engagement at business school. Here was the response:

HELL YEAH BABY!!!! TAKE YOUR SCUMBAG KIDS AND YOUR MEASLY $30 AND GO POUND SAND!

At my age - anything I haven't seen 1,000 times is refreshing - and this response left me wanting more. "I had a big fish on the hook and you and your bratty kid we're about to screw it up! Go the hell elsewhere!"

I can't get enough of this woman!!! I wonder if she's single!

All of the local media outlets (all 3..maybe 4 of them) covered this story in depth and Facebook was full of endless discussions on the topic. A bunch of schleps went to the stores page and - you can see this coming - said that "as a parent, I'm appalled, I will never visit your store." They probably wrote these reviews on their iphone from the candy section at Walmart.

The customer's always right?! Ask anyone who has ever dealt with "the customer" how true that one is!


No - the owner's response probably wasn't smart - but there's no such thing as bad publicity. I may even take a stroll down there today - kids in tow. I LOVE Brownies!

Liberty HS with the Red Hot Chilli Pipers

When I first heard about this I honestly thought the LHS Pipers were going to be playing with the Red Hot Chili PEPPERS - and I spent way too much time wondering how they were going to work bagpipes into  "Give it Away."

Clearly it, it's Pipers, not Peppers - but it looks like both the Grenadiers and the entertaining group from the UK all had a great time. I always felt like you only had to learn 3 songs to be in a bagpipe band - and Scotland the Brave alone may get you a spot in some groups. My favorite is Highland Cathedral - which opens this segment. I will say - I never thought Pipers could "rock" - but these guys certainly approximate it!

A Shopping "Savings" Problem

There are times in life where I feel like I'm winning. 

• That moment when I'm filling my gas tank for $.80/gallon thanks to the reward points at the grocery store. 
• Those days when  Giant is selling four Pepsi 6-packs for $10 AND I have a coupon. 
• The one time every two years I can get my haircut for free at Supercuts!
• The 2 or 3 times/year I can buy something completely frivolous (like an indoor basketball hoop that hangs over a door) and feel like it's "free" because I have all these reward points. 

I LOVE feeling like I'm beating the system. I say to myself: "Sure they HAVE the reward points, and coupons and buy-one get one frees but they didn't factor ME into the equation!" I like to think they'd be out of business if every shopper was such an adept accumulator of loss leaders and reward points!

They're laughing at me of course. Walgreens. Giant, Weis Markets, and every company that puts out coupons. I'm the idiot they make the most off of. 

Crap I don't need:

If you're ever going through something in your life, and the solution to it involves obtaining an ungodly amount of shower gel, or any kind of body wash, body spray or shaving products, don't hesitate to call me. I'll hook you up. It's what friends do!

I have a "thing" for rewards points. My drugstore of choice is Walgreens - but all the main chains do it in some form. On Sundays - when the new sales start - I stroll into Walgreens like a kid in the candy store...Looking for those blue tags that promote how many points you'll get if you but a certain product. 

Those blue tags are almost ALWAYS on shower gel products - and more often than not, Axe products are sporting the blue tags as well. 5,000 points when I spend $15 on participating Axe products..."HEY WOW!!!" I say to myself..."So that's like getting the products for $10! AND I have a coupon - it will be insane not to participate in this deal!?" And I laugh at the stupidity of Walgreens and Axe management - "how can they stay in business when they are practically giving this stuff away."

So my linen closet has no less than a dozen Axe-related products. Shower gel, body spray, deodorant, hair gel (?). For good measure there are four bottles of Dove body wash, 3 Old-Spice body sprays, God knows how many Gillette gel deodorants and enough razors to last me the rest of my life (and I don't screw around when it comes to razors, if there aren't at least four blades I don't consider it worthy of touching my face!) 

In my pantry there is an odd assortment of products I don't think anybody is ever going to eat unless we are forced to live in our basement for over a month. I got drawn into some sort of promotion where I could mix and match any seven products on the list and save $.30 on gas!!! I figured "there's really no such thing as too much canned ravioli and WOW the savings on gas!"

For the record - I drive less than 9,000 miles/year. 

The highlight, the grand enchilada of my existence is when I have accumulated 300 coupons, diligently gone through all of the Sunday ads and announce to myself (because strangely, nobody else in my life gets excited about this stuff!) that I'm going to do a "coupon sweep!" What I do there is go through the store and buy ONLY things that are buy one get one free OR that I have a coupon for. The buy one get one deals are almost always the same...If you need some Arm and Hammer laundry detergent, a boatload of philly chip-steaks, or if you are having some sort of special war where frozen meatballs are being used as ammunition - feel free to reach out. I have all of those things in droves. 

My stupidity isn't fully entrenched in these cases. At least I'm SORT of getting a deal. 

Coupons are where I lose it. 

Here's the ugly truth that I don't like to admit as I proudly look at my receipt after a coupon sweep... The store brands are cheaper - even with coupons. So yeah - I get that momentary rush when the coupon scans and I get $.40 cents off because I bought two huge-ass jars of Hellmans Mayo which would be enough to run a deli for a week...Meanwhile - I could have stocked the same deli for a month if I bought the store brand...And I don't care who you are: NOBODY's palate can distinguish mayo!

I guess I have a problem. A savings "addiction" maybe? 

Is it just me?!

We Celebrate Small Victories

It's Time For Me to Parent

For the most part, being the father of Jocelyn Marie and Joseph Aaron has been a pretty easy gig.

Aside from a 1st grade incident where she lashed a girl on the hand  with a jump rope as some sort of initiation into an exclusive club, I've never gotten anything but praise from any adult that has dealt with her.  She's self-motivated, good-hearted, and hard-working. She's always made me look like a better father than I am.

Jojo isn't nearly as self-motivated, but he's always been good to the core. He'd give you his last piece of candy. He's a double-edged sword, the fact that he doesn't give a crap about anything - he regularly forgets what day it is - is part of his charm. It's also maddening at times.

But he's a regular boy - and he's decent, loyal and loving. I see it most vividly in sports when the games are well in hand and he does everything he can to set up the lesser players for THEIR moment. I see it in how generously he gives. I see it in how he treats animals. And behavior wise, he's done a couple of "normal boy" things - but nothing I'm too worried about.

I was a HELL of a lot worse at his age.

"You have good kids" I'm told routinely, as well as the corollary "you're a great Dad." The truth is I haven't done much, they make me look a lot better than I am.

My kids need me now - more than ever, and I'm not sure what to do.

My daughter is having trouble sleeping. She has a sadder affect than I've ever seen her have. I rarely see true joy out of her anymore. We've talked about it. It seemed like we pin-pointed it to her having trouble the week of band festivals - where she auditions to go to the next level. That was the theory. While I certainly wanted to address that - you can't stop sleeping every time something big is coming up - she made state band this past weekend. She smiled for about 20 minutes. But it stopped. She's not morose, there's just something wrong. She said she's having trouble sleeping again.

She says she can't stop thinking. I'm trying to give her some tools and we're getting her someone to talk to. She insists she's not being bullied - a concern I've had ever since she came out. There are a couple of friends that have dropped off the scene but others have come on - and they seem like character kids as well. I know her girlfriends Mom is VERY much against the relationship and does everything she can to thwart it. She understands that nobody is going to be upset if she doesn't make district, regional, or state band. I would chalk it up to "normal" teenage behaviour, but there's nothing "normal" about either side of her family tree. She knows that - and that makes her worry too.

She doesn't want to be like her Mom - and the closest thing she had to a Mom has moved away. That's my fault. That's for later.

At least Jojo knows how to talk to women!
He just can't read. 

Jojo's reading has been an issue for years - but it has reached critical mass. After making honor roll first marking period his reading grade dropped to a C in the second and at mid-term it's a solid F. We read together every night now - something frankly I haven't done nearly as consistently as I should - and lord does he struggle. I keep believing if we keep working hard at it there will be a breakthrough - that he'll somehow get it. He's never read at grade level - but he's never been that far behind. But quite honestly I think he's on par with a lot of 3rd and 4th graders. I look at places like Sylvan - but I've gotten mixed reviews and that's a lot of money on a maybe. I look for websites and exercises - but they are mostly geared at younger kids..Everyone I ask whose an expert says the same thing - "read with him." So I got a couple of books I hoped he'd be interested in and we read together. I read a paragraph, he reads a paragraph. He reads word to word - he misses a lot of concepts. It blows my mind he hasn't fallen well behind in math yet.

This isn't my finest hour either. Mary was a part of my life, a part of me, for over 4 years and I still expect her to come through the door sometimes. I won't get into what cause Mary to leave as there's no one reason - but rest assured there's a lot I wish I had done differently. She was my best friend. I miss her. The finality of it didn't hit me for a few weeks but it's hitting me hard now.

I want another cat and name
it Smithers. But then I'll
want an Apu. Where does it end?

 I am incredibly sad about my Dad - I feel like the worlds worst son. And like it often happens with me - I'm upset about just about everything...I'm mad at my lack of career growth, my weight, my failure as a Father...the house I live in. I also hate my stupid cat Flanders - but he makes my kids happy. Particularly my daughter. Money concerns are constant.

Years ago I used to contemplate suicide in these down times - but at least I've evolved to the point where I don't consider that option. I don't have that luxury. I also know one thing: I've fought this battle before, and I've won.

But it's not about me now. It's about my kids - who need me for the first time in their life.

The Ugly Side of the Republican Party

OK, I didn't see this coming. Not many people did. Certainly not the GOP "establishment."

The problem that the GOP was able to carefully avoid for years is that Donald Trump's hate represents a significant portion of their base. For a good many Republicans, big government isn't a problem.  The poorest states invariably vote red - they NEED big government more than they care to admit. And these Republicans aren't too concerned about the Capital Gains tax. They don't understand the Affordable Care Act. And their right to bear arms has not been challenged.

Donald Trump has no real ideology. He's proud, almost brazen about this. He was not a naive 20-something when he was basically a Democrat. He doesn't answer any questions in the debates he dominates. He's not the self-made man American's love. I may disagree with Mitt Romney and John McCain on ideological levels - but I never doubted their character.

There is a segment of America that simply never wanted to accept Obama because of the color of his skin. It's not playing the race card - it's an undeniable truth. Donald Trump and his "birther" crap spoke to this segment.

On election night in 2012, when it became obvious that President Obama was going to win a second term, I gleefully headed to Fox News. Yes - I got a perverse pleasure of watching them come up with excuses for America re-electing such an awful Commander-in-Chief.

I wasn't disappointed.

Karl Rove couldn't accept what Fox News' own pollsters had concluded: that the incumbent had won Ohio, thus giving him the election. His meltdown on live TV was classic stuff.

But the best, and the worst, was yet to come.  Bill O'Reilly, the undeniable face of Fox News whose show has been the most popular cable news show for longer than I care to think about, offered his very telling perspective on why Obama had basically cruised to victory. It was almost like the member of a secret society leaking their most sacred of secrets. It was the most telling segment in recent history about the current "party of Lincoln."



Yes folks. Obama won because he appealed to the people that want government handouts. "They want stuff." He goes further and explains who these cretins are: minorities. 20 years ago, when we had "traditional" (white) America we wouldn't have to deal with a black president. Now we do - too many minorities.

Some of it he said - some of it was more than implied.

Not every Republican is of this school of thought. For some it actually IS about taxes, big government, school choice, hell even abortion. But for a significant portion, enough that Donald Trump seems to be on a collision course with the nomination, are rallying around him for no other reason than he seems to have a significant disdain for minorities.

Here are the four main characteristics of Trump supporters: They are largely uneducated, they think they don't have a political voice, they have a problem with "outsiders" (foreigners), and they live in parts of the country where racial resentment is the most rampant.

I hesitate to generalize about a party that makes up such a large segment of the population. I have black friends who are solidly Republican. I don't agree with everything on the Democratic party platform.

Remember, there are very few states where Trump has carried more than 50% of the vote. He has largely benefited from a weak overall field, and up until now a large field where one candidate could win with a relatively small percentage of votes. But Trump supporters are single issue voters: Fear is their ideology. Fear that blacks and foreigners will take over. It has never been about policy - many Trump supporters benefit from the "welfare state" they claim to despise.

Underestimating Trump's appeal led to a mess in the GOP, but it could lead to a bigger mess in America. This country has historically accepted black men in leadership positions prior to women (black women get the ultimate shaft has been given to black women but that's another story).

Hillary should defeat Donald - but the vitriol is coming. Don't think for a second that many of the GOP supporters who are trying to distance themselves from Trump won't rally behind him come the convention.

60 to 40 is as wide a margin as we'll ever see in a general election. Given that the "news channels" do nothing but give people the talking points they want to here rather than present the whole story, I would imagine a landslide in this day and age would be 56-44. It won't be a landslide under the best of circumstances. If Hillary continues to run a second-rate campaign - she certainly hasn't learned much from her husband - it could be VERY close. If a significant third-party candidate emerges she could certainly lose.

To say that would be an embarrassment would be a serious understatement.

And should the day come that Trump wins the nomination - Fox News will embrace him. It will be comical - but the irony will be lost on those that worship at the altar or Roger Ailes.

Republicans: Start owning it. You've survived for a long time on a parasitic segment in your party that hates minorities. Now the idiots are about to take over the asylum. At least admit that's the problem.

Trump is selling nothing but hate. And right now, that's good enough to be the frontrunner.