The Strange, Wonderful and RELAXING World of ASMR

Like so many people these days, sleep doesn't always come easily for me, and winding down at the end of the day can take hours.

For most of my life, I've taken the problem directly to big pharma and popped pills - be they OTC or the good stuff. (Note: EVERY single OTC sleep aid has the same active ingredient - every...single...one.) Sometimes I still resort to these remedies - but I'm increasingly trying other ways of slowing down my brain.I try to meditate - but quite honestly it's a discipline I just haven't mastered yet. Stopping my mind from barraging me with an endless stream of completely inane thoughts, concerns, memories and ideas by focusing solely on my breath is harder than dieting.

What an INSANE world we live in!

 Let's face it, we're all pretty much expected to check work email at least once at night.  Everybody in the universe has 24-7 access to you and God forbid you don't respond to their texts within a few minutes!

Many people  seem to resent anyone who takes time for themselves these days. Nobody needs 24-7 access to the Aaron Experience - especially considering up to 2 hours/day of it is watching Married With Children reruns! (every morning TBS shows at least four of them btw - just in case you "get it."

Enter ASMR.

It stands for "Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response " - a fact that frankly I didn't know until I googled it 30 seconds ago. You can do the same - a lot of people have mastered Google - and get a real definition as to what it is. But ASMR can't really be defined - it needs to be experienced.

If you were ever fortunate enough to have watched Bob Ross and his "Joy of Painting" show, well  that's as good place as any to start to explain ASMR.

I don't know what series of events led to me watching PBS in a lounge at Lafayette college - all I know is once I started watching this guy I didn't want to stop. He wasn't the kind of guy I would seek to  hang out with. I sure as hell don't know anything about art - but as he delicately painted some nature scene and he almost inaudibly whispered whatever the hell he was doing - well something just felt good about it. You couldn't help but relax.

Their used to be some cooking shows that used this concept. The host would quietly talk as he/she added the ingredients and you would watch them come together, listen to the sizzle of the pan and forget your worries for a while. Cooking shows aren't like this any more. Nobody loves Rachael Ray like I love Rachael Ray - but her appeal does not lie in her ability to calm me down. There was a cooking show I loved that featured some old guy - for the life of me I can't remember his name - but he dumped a LOT of wine into almost everything he cooked. Occasionally he'd quietly sing some Italian song. It was AMAZING television. He was so much better than Emeril or whatever flavor of the month chef is popular right now.

So getting back to the main point, I have a LOT of trouble falling asleep sometimes. For a while I was trying hypnosis which led me to some sort of whacky cult where the women dress like Mormon missionaries. Seriously - all of them where the same outfit and say the same thing - it's eerie scary!

But one good thing did come out of this.  I realized something: I really liked good looking girls talking to me while I was trying to fall asleep.

I don't recall the exact search term I used that led me into the magical world of ASMR - but it's my new favorite way to end the day.

One of the many reasons I have dubbed myself a freak is that I thought I was the only one who was relaxed by certain sounds or movements.  I actually get some perverse feeling of relaxation when  I'm speaking to someone who is quietly typing at a keyboard to input information I'm giving them.
When a doctor asks me to look straight ahead while they examine my eye with a bright light - I don't want it to end. I like getting my blood pressure taken - I LOVE having my lungs listened to with a stethoscope - and going to Supercuts to get my haircut is - ask anybody - the highlight of my month.

Little did I know that there's an entire WORLD of videos dedicated to kooks who relax to the aforementioned and similar sounds. Youtube has hundreds, if not thousands, of ASMR videos - many made by cute girls - that are made just to help me calm down! For FREE!!!!

So now my nightly routine is laying in bed with my Laptop while a cute young hottie does some roleplay designed to put me to sleep. You need to have good quality earbuds on or it just doesn't work as well - as the audio is a big part of the experience. The biggest challenge of this is finding what I'm in the mood for. I have two absolute favorites that I fall asleep too. I'll end with them - but rest assured there are hundreds more where they do cranial nerve exams - even HAIRCUTS!
So here are two of my favorites:

The first is by a girl who I consider the  ultimate queen of the ASMR genre: Heather Feather. Heather has at least 40 videos and they're all AWESOME but my favorite one is where she pretends to go inside your brain and fix whatever the hell is wrong. It's called "Brain Pause"








The second is where this lunatic witch casts a spell and...well I don't know what the hell happens because I've never made it through more than 10 minutes of the video without conking out.








Make no mistake - these videos are corny as hell - and I expect most of you will have a WTF feeling about the whole thing! But if you're an insomniac and you haven't tried this method yet - I encourage you to do so - I might even start up a support group!!!