Weather One-Liners I Wish Would Die

Winter is down to the home stretch (although right now it's putting up a last gasp) and that means for nine months we won't have to hear the stupid zingers that the weather obsessed love to trot out every Winter. Here's a few of the most common, and thus most annoying:

1) "Weather forecasting is  the only profession in the world where you can be wrong all the time and still have a job!"

I sort of get it.

We live in an age where we can pretty much manage our entire lives with a 5 inch "phone."  If you wake up at 3AM and decide that you're paying too damn much for car insurance you can call Geico and they'll be happy to help you. Jeff Bezos talked openly about having your Amazon order delivered by drones in 30 minutes and there are some smart people who think driver-less cars will be the norm in 10 years.

How could weather accuracy elude
us when we've invented something
 like this?

Sometimes it's hard to understand how Suzanne Sommers can solve the problem of women having to get dressed every day but the world's leading scientist can still screw up the damn weather!

But weather forecasts have been damn accurate lately. They nailed Hurricane Sandy, Hurricane Katrina and virtually every snowstorm over the past few years. This year they missed on "Juno" - but you'd be foolish to plan a bar-b-que if the forecasters are calling for 6 inches of snow.
Of course - every office has the weather experts who take the worst possible forecast (in our area we get New York and Philly stations as well as local so the doomsayers have a lot to choose from) - so they can always find a way to complain.
But next time you decide weather forecasters are dumber then hell - please advise me when they got it wrong on heat - or when they were off on the temperature more than a marginal amount.

2) There's nothing on the ground! How the hell can the close school for this?

Apparently when I grew up we were walking to school in blizzards, monsoons and sub-zero temperatures. I just don't remember it. What I remember is getting annoyed listening to my parents complain about how they close the schools too much and we are "coddling" our kids. I made up snow days in Summer and I definitely had days off when it was cold (I specifically remember they called school on the day of President Reagan's second inauguration due to snow - but there were other days). No Gen Xrs - we weren't that badass. We made up snow days in the Summer too.

The Superintendent of our school district kindly Tweets school delays and closings and consistently gets lambasted no matter what he does. If it's a delay there's a group of parents saying he doesn't care about safety. When the schools are closed a bigger group starts the "kids today are lame" argument. Some of them are very disrespectful - but for whatever reason people think because they pay .002% of the school districts budget they should raise holy hell over anything anybody does.

Why am I paying taxes if they can't plow my street?

This one's simple: because if they added more resources for snow removal you'd pay MORE taxes and complain about that too.

How can anyone park in my spot? I shoveled it damn it!!

Yes - there's widespread conviction that you own a public parking spot if you shoveled it until the snow melts. Except...You don't. By the "I'm going to put my patio set in the street" logic nobody should ever be able to have visitors over until all of the snow melts.

Compounding the problem is those that dig out their spot tend to pile up the snow in front of and back of their cars, thus reducing the amount of cars that can park on the street. Sometimes it's unavoidable to do anything but make a special embankment for your car - often it isn't.

And finally my favorite:

Global warming my ass..F'ing Al Gore..

Yes - another way to say this is "Damn it, I'M COLD, thus the whole world is cold."  I see this logic all the time..Last year it was frigid where I lived, bringing out the "I don't believe thousands of scientists because I'm a conservative and I don't like Al Gore" crowd...Who ignored the irony that during this period they were struggling to keep the Winter Olympics going in 60 degree weather.

Yes - there are some funny anecdotes - a couple of years ago a ship went into the antarctic to study the melting of the polar ice caps and wound up getting stuck in ice - but fourteen of the fifteen warmest years have occurred since the turn of the century. That doesn't mean YOUR .003% of the world was necessarily warm in any given  year - but I'm not going to bet against these numbers.

To those of you who insist on sticking your head up your ass on this - I ask you...Who is making it big on this?

I hate to mention politics - because I do know that nobody is going to change their mind based on the ramblings of an insignficant blogger - but I wish we'd find a way to come together on this one...And hey - if we are wrong and everything is fine and dandy - at what cost? If we're right - it's going to be ugly before too long. And frankly I'm skin cancer waiting to happen as it is!