My Online Brand Takes a Minor Hit

When you ask me how I'm doing and I answer "good" - it's almost always a relative answer.

For instance, I'll almost invariably answer that work is going well. I might say it's busy - but that's as far as I'll go in terms of complaining.  Having once gone a year without a job, and having seen people who I thought were set for life get laid off, I don't dare mess with the laws of karma and act like I don't have a pretty good situation at the GLIC.

If you had asked me how I was feeling in early November, I would have told you "good" even though I was having serious trouble making myself comfortable. However,  I wasn't in agonizing pain from the pancreatitis that I had been dealing with a few weeks prior. 

If you ask me how my son is doing I'll usually answer "good" even if he's failing 2 subjects because well...he's a good kid and I assume he'll get it together in  time for high school. (I really shouldn't have repeatedly told Jocelyn "I don't give a crap what you do until high school" as my son has taken it to heart...parenting is tricky). 

We all go around telling each other that things are "good" because, well, it's just simpler that way.  All of us struggle with something and there simply isn't enough time to bare our souls!

Nobody has approached me today and asked my how my week went. However,  if they were to do so I'd probably tell them it went "good."  I wouldn't necessarily be lying. I accomplished a bit at work, I had some good times with my kids. My daughter has announced she wants to try for the Coast Guard Academy - and while I know the odds  I also believe in the corny notion of aiming for the stars, as even if you miss you'll be among the clouds. She got elected band president. She seems happier than she has been lately...

And my son - he's starting to get some groove as well. He may even wind up with a report card devoid of C's this marking period - and it's not even high school! 

I made a new friend,  - and we all know it's not easy to make friends after 30 with kids! 

So yeah, it was a good week...With just a minor caveat:

I won't post the entire "review" as this is a PG-Rated blog, nor will I post any personal information about the writer as that would make me a part of the problem. I certainly don't want her kids to see hateful and false information about her. I don't think her friends want to know about any issues we may have had either. I will just say that the source of the woman's anger was that she was led to believe  I was married. Apparently - she was so emotionally scarred from this after she had invested ONE date in me that ruining my reputation was fair game. 

I don't feel the need to answer the post.  I'm not married. Apparently having a blog where I make no attempt to disguise who I am that goes into the details of my online dating experiences is not enough proof that I'm not married. So I put an end to it and sent a picture of my divorce decree to the reviewer.  FWIW - she feels horrible and is trying to rectify the situation. 

What's troubling to me is that sites like this are allowed to exist at all. 

This malicious - and false - information was posted within minutes for free. To get it removed costs hundreds of dollars - and takes time. I don't know how much time - the author began trying to make it right 5 days ago but  as of this writing I am still a "Dating Psycho." - Once my name is off the site I'll probably remove this blog as well. For right now I don't think they get much traffic. My blog has only received two hits from that URL and I think one of them was me! Either way - since the site LINKS to my blog I feel like I should say..something. 

While I would obviously have preferred the woman NOT have taken to the dregs of the internet world to get back at me for this perceived slight - I am honestly not upset with her anymore. I am much more angry at a site that allows you to post about people without any verification process whatsoever but requires PLENTY of information, and money, to get it removed. It's all perfectly legal as the website states in plain English that some of the information may not be accurate - and I guess that's good enough to withstand a class action suit. This site has somehow existed for over a decade. 

A couple of months ago the Peeple app  was introduced. The idea being it's "Yelp" for people. My first reaction to this is to cringe. However - Peeple is WAY ahead of this site - they actually have safeguards in place. Although frankly I don't know anyone who has downloaded it. 

I think I'll weather this one just fine - but the whole thing has been a lesson in just how low the internet can go!

UPDATE: IT LOOKS LIKE MY NAME HAS BEEN REMOVED! I will probably delete this blog in short order but for now it serves as a case study in what can be done! THANKS to the person who got it removed! (PM me if you're evil part is winning out and you HAVE to know what it said!)

To the High School Graduating Class of 2016....

In the spirit of the fabulous song Don’t Forget to Wear Sunscreen – I offer the following tidbits of advice to the high school graduatinng class of 2016.

•   For the next three years of your life you’re going to be old enough to die for your country but too young to drink a beer. This is not a sudden realization you came up with – and nobody cares.

• Look for the absolute best in everyone you meet. Sometimes you’ll have to look awfully hard.

• Cynicism is the easiest of school of thought to take – anyone can do it. Rise above it.

•  If you order a shake at an ice cream place – be extra good to the person who has to make it. Shakes really screw up the flow. The same rule applies to ordering anything that needs to be heated at Subway, anything that involves cooking an egg at Dunkin Donuts, or asking the bartender to make you a Long Island Iced Tea. Find the tip jar in all of these situations!

•  
  
   The first friends you need to make at college are the janitors and the cafeteria staff. You can worry about finding a BFF in the second semester.

•  You’re going to make some mistakes worthy of a Dr. Phil show in your life. Try and stay off Jerry Springer and Maury.

• Nobody has ever changed their mind about a political issue based on something posted on Facebook – for the love of God don’t add to the problem by commenting.

• Don’t believe that crap that our generation is somehow tougher, smarter or in any way better than yours. When I was in high school a select few seniors took calculus, gays were mocked and ridiculed openly and yes – we used snow days regularly. You guys are way the hell ahead of us.

•   Until you have a good explanation for a collective conscience, don’t mock anyone who believes in a loving God.

•   45% of America is always going to vote Republican, 45% is always going to vote Democrat. Be one of the 10% that don’t blindly follow what the memes from partisan websites are preaching.

•  Be wary whenever someone cites “States rights” as justification for their cause – they’re virtually always on the wrong side of history.

•   Find something to love – be it music, art, sports, gardening, or whatever – and do it whether or not the world thinks you’re good at it or not.

•  It is perfectly acceptable to cry when you’re favorite football team runs a draw on 3^rd and 12. Along those same lines, there’s no such thing as too much rage if your linebackers get sucked into chasing the quarterback on what is clearly a screen.

•  To the young men in the audience: Hair is important to women. Make mental notes of it every day and be quick to let them know if one strand is going in a different direction. I really can’t overstate the importance of this.

• Kids between 5 and 10 can spot phonies better than anybody. Trust their judgment.

•  Volunteers make the world go round. Everyone has a gift – use yours.

•  Becoming a teacher is an option available to virtually all of you right now. If that’s what you want to do – do it. If you choose not to do it, don’t spend the rest of your life bitching about how “easy” you think they have it. 

hHave I missed any life rules that you find equally - if not MORE important than these nuggets?! Drop me a line or comment below  - or on Facebook. Maybe I'll update!

The Aaron Experience Returns - Five Dates to Remember

On Tuesday night I returned to the dating world.  It was my first date since Mary and I parted ways at the end of January. I couldn’t help but reflect back to my last experience dating as an adult. It was 2010- 2011 and I dated over 50 women in about 18 months.

It was the result of that date, however, that prompted this blog. I’ll get to that later.

Initially I was going to write about my five “worst” dates, but that would be kind of sad. For me, the worst dates are the ones where someone gets hurt. By that I mean one person thinks there’s chemistry but the other isn’t interested. I’ve been on both ends of that scenario - the “losing end more than I care to admit - and it sucks. I’m not talking about those type of dates – as bad as they are – because even though they can’t be called good, they are natural and normal.  

What I’m recounting here are my Five Most Dramatic Dates.

These are dates that went beyond meeting at a nice place, greeting each other warmly but formally, and going about the inane but necessary task of small talk surrounding your kids, careers, etc.  The overwhelming majority of dates are like this and they’re painful to watch due to their dullness.

These dates (or in some cases series of dates) were anything but dull.

Number 5: Meat

She was my first date after separating. It was late 2010 and I had been on my own for maybe 3 weeks. We met on Plentyoffish, the ground zero of online dating.  Small sidebar:  those of you who think you’ll get a better selection on the pay sites are mistaken, because pretty much EVERYBODY has a pof profile.

Anyway, it started well enough. We ate at Stefano’s. Conversation was decent. I don’t remember anything noteworthy happening one way or the other. The whole thing was annoyingly normal.  

For whatever reason, we decided to go to Barnes and Noble in MY CAR afterward. Then things got interesting.

Somewhere along the line my love of infomercials came into the conversation.  This led to us having conflicting opinions on the capabilities of the George Foreman Grill. I didn’t remember the exact set up, but at some point I kiddingly (honestly) said that the Foreman Grill could NEVER be the problem and she was probably using bad meat.

This didn’t go over too well.

“THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THE GOD-DAMNED MEAT” she yelled. “I BUY MY FUCKING MEAT AT THE FARMERS MARKET.”

When you bring a hot-button issue like the ability to distinguish between Prime and Choice into the equation you’re taking one hell of a gamble. I lost big. I tried to recover, but hell hath no fury like a woman whose meat-cooking ability has been called into question.  

To make it even worse, we were in the parking lot of Barnes and Noble when she had this tirade. So we went through the store, probably bringing the temp down about 30 degrees, and then endured the longest 15 minutes in the history of the world as I drove her home.

She ran out of the car as I pulled up.

Someday I’ll write a blog listing all of my dating mistakes. For now I’ll just point out the big one I made on this one: I overshot. A full dinner AND a shopping trip on a first date? Who the hell did I think I was? Let’s face it, the Foreman Grill issue would have eventually broke us up as it has with countless other couples, but we probably could have gone a couple more dates before tackling this divisive issue.

Number 4: Special Delivery

As long as you’re willing to put in the work and reduce your standards to women living within 30 miles of you, even the ugliest among us can have a date every night of the week. (For women it’s even easier – but that’s another blog entirely).

It was around 4 PM on a Saturday and I was texting back and forth with another POF member. She kept going on about how she hated “traditional” dating as it didn’t allow people to really get to know each other.

”Yeah” I agreed “it sucks” not really understanding what she meant.

At 7:00 she announced she wanted to meet. I was told to head to Easton and text her when I was at Ferry and 3^rd if she wasn’t there already.  There are some nice restaurants in that area and if you aren’t looking for trouble that part of town is relatively safe.

So I went to the appointed place at the appointed time and texted her that I had arrived. A couple of minutes later a beat-up Kia held together by duct tape came screeching to a halt in front of me. A dashing young woman sporting a vintage hoodie popped out - but didn’t close the door - and said “get in.”

The first rule of improvisational comedy is “never block a scene.” You might argue I was insane to get in the car – but I was not about to go against this timeless principle.  An hour prior I had been watching a Law and Order marathon. NOW I was facing the possibility of being the basis for a future episode. I couldn’t turn down that kind of adrenaline rush. I got in.

She screeched off. I didn’t know where we were going, but I got the impression we were running late. Given her choice of attire, I assumed she had made reservations at a local fine-dining establishment.

Except there aren’t any sit-down restaurants in side streets of Easton’s West Ward – and that’s where we were. After nearly hitting about 30 cars she reached under my seat and pulled out a VERY high-powered flashlight and began scanning the houses. This was improvisational comedy at its best. She even had props!

All of a sudden she screeched to a halt, grabbed a paper bag in the back seat, got out of the car and slammed the door.

I was so excited!

“OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!!” I thought gleefuly….”THIS IS ONE OF THOSE ACTIVITY DATES AND WE’RE GOING TO SLING DRUGS TOGETHER!”

I carefully watched the deal unfold. The buyer quietly slipped my date $35. My date looked around, made sure that 5-0 wasn’t nearby, and handed him a brown bag.

A brown bag with two quarts of wonton soup and an undisclosed amount of lo-mein.

Yes, that was her idea of a date. Talking while she did her Chinese food delivery route. So for two hours we careened through Easton while she explained that she couldn’t get car insurance and that she hated Lafayette students.

In the end, sad to say, I didn’t do it for this young woman. “You’re too nerdy” she told me. But as a parting gift I did get a General Tso’s combo meal (plus a soda) on the house and that ain’t a bad evening in my book.  

Number 3: Bad-Boy Lover

For 90% of this date it looked like we were in a run-out-the-clock situation. She was educated, nice, and pretty enough. I was pretty “on” with the charm,  but the “it” factor was missing. When the meal was over, I put my credit card in the leather fold and went to the bathroom. I figured I’d go back, write in the tip and the date would end with a friendly hug and us never speaking again.

Except when I got back to the table my date had a different demeanor altogether. She was smiling a lot more than she had been.  “Are you ready?” she asked. I was definitely ready, but not for what she suggested. She wanted to go to a bar closer to her house and hang out for a while longer. All of a sudden she seemed 100 times more interested in me. It made no sense.  

Two hours later, I was at her house.

So what happened?

It turns out that while I was in the bathroom she had been approached by another woman I had dated who WORKED THERE unbeknownst to me (this woman was looking for work when we had our date.)  The former date told my current date “Get the hell away now because he’s a psychotic asshole.”

Apparently rather than making my date scared of me, it served the purpose of getting her hot. I had spent the entire time being a polite gentleman and just when she was about to give me the Heisman, she got turned on. Nice guy, who opens doors and makes funny jokes: Dime a dozen. Guy who does this but is known for being a psychotic asshole: LET’S GET NAKED!

Number 2: Elegant Girl

When I’m going through online dating profiles, it’s not just about seeing if I’m attracted to someone.  I also have to summon my humility and ask “would they be attracted to me.” I don’t write supermodels – it’s not worth the bandwidth. I don’t write women who clearly are looking for guys with tattoos and ride motorcycles. As badass as I am, it doesn’t come across to some women!

This young woman was a reach. She had a Jersey look and attitude going on as well as a nose piercing. She didn’t look like a freak, she had a very unique, dare I say “elegant” look about her. She pulled it off.  I thought there was a 10% chance she’d write back.

She did write back, and she was nice. We had her first date and it went well.  I still assumed she’d write the polite “you’re a sweet guy but….” letter afterward.

Except she didn’t.

We had a second date and it was also nice. So we wound up going to a pretty high-end restaurant for our third date because she seemed to have the class and wherewithal to navigate such a place and I like to pretend my life turned out decently every once in a while.

As we got to know each other, she mentioned guys she had dated in the past. Not to be stereotypical but the names and descriptions she gave left me thinking she was better suited to be dating a Vinny from Caldwell NJ than Aaron from Bethlehem PA.

I asked her “um….do you normally date guys like me?” She laughed and said no. So before I could ask what the hell she was doing with me she said “I’ve never dated anyone like you. You treat me like a lady. You haven’t tried to have sex with me. I like this. I like dating.”

And so I thought we had the start of something beautiful.

A few days later she called me from a bar.

“Listen,” she said…”I want you to meet my Mom and my brother. This place is a little different than you’re used to – but I really want you to meet them.”

It started out OK. The place was a dive but I wanted to save money anyway.

Her Mom was nice enough. She thanked me for treating her daughter so well. Her brother gave me a  man-hug and was probably named Vito or Tony or something.

Then my elegant “girlfriend” decided we all needed some shots. So that’s what we did. I did two shots and stopped. I figured that meant I would need at least 90 minutes before I could drive. Her and her  family didn’t stop until they had at least 5 shots. At that point my “girlfriend” wandered off and left me with my future brother-in-law. He pounded me on the shoulder about 100 times and told me I was a good fucking guy.  The Mom played a game on the touchscreen at the bar that involved– I swear to God – finding and touching the genitals of men in pictures within a pre-determined amount of time.

She was REALLY good at this game.

After twenty minutes or so I heard a commotion on the other side of the room. It was clearly a fight. Hair was being pulled. “FUCK YOU BITCH” was screamed about 30 times.  Sure enough, my classy, elegant girl was holding tight to about eight inches of another woman’s hair.

The staff moved in to break it up. At that point my dates MOM had made her way over and was in the face of the Mother of the opponent. Vito/Tony/Johnny, whatever managed to quell that melee before it got too out of hand.  “Mom , go sit the fuck down.” He said. “You believe this motherfucking shit Aaron? Damn women can’t just hang out like civilized motherfuckers like us.”

I hung out with Pauly/Anthony whatever until the effects of the shots wore off. When I left my classy girl was passed out on a pool table. Nobody seemed to think this was unusual.

I never saw her again.

OK, Before I get to number one – I’ll give some two honorable mentions:

·         Dancing Queen: I’ve never had a good date with a woman named Michele (no matter how she spells it) and I’ve never had a good date with a woman from Northampton. Denise’s I do well with and Lehighton women seem to like me. I’ve never had the good fortune of dating a Denise from Lehighton, but I DID get the perfect storm of Michelle from Northampton. The whole date revolved around her being on a faculty dance team and that they were better than the schools regular dance team. We watched the Youtube videos.  

·         Dog Woman:  Rule of thumb for guys online dating: If the chicks profile pictures are full of them with their dogs, or in some cases ONLY their dogs – stay far away. My “relationship” with this particular girl ended because I wouldn’t attend an ADULT New Year’s Eve party with her because she insisted on bringing her dog… “I always bring my dog…” she argued…”because you were the only one without a date” I explained.  

The dog won. I’m ok with it.

Number 1: Satan

Unfortunately, there’s little in the way of funny about this one. As I said at the beginning, this blog really isn’t about my worst dates. However, my encounter Tuesday was the worst date I ever had.

I’ve had a LOT of dates – and even in the worst of circumstances I have found something to like, a way to connect with every single one of them. Take meat for instance – I admire that kind of passion.  I look for the inherent goodness in everyone. Sometimes it’s humbling to accept that I just don’t do it for someone, but I don’t take it personally.

On Tuesday I looked into the eyes of dating madness.

We met in the parking lot. It was immediately apparent that she had used a VERY old picture of herself in her profile and even then she had cleverly disguised some of her features. I wanted to end it right there. I have no illusions of being good looking, but I don’t deceive. People know what they’re getting when we meet.

But I kept my hopes up. “Maybe she’s nice,” I thought. If a woman is nice, confident and intelligent, that can erase a LOT of lacking physical features. However, any hope I had of her being nice was gone in three minutes as she rudely demanded the server reseat us and acted as if he wasn’t doing his job. Then she told me “everybody is so stupid.”

The date consisted of her telling me that I didn’t know how to organize my time because I claimed to be busy but I only have two kids (she has 3). She listed all of the activities they do – (it was NOT that impressive of a list but I smiled and nodded) and then mocked the things I do like coach and Toastmasters.

Anger management is not one of my problems.  But after listening to her marginalize everything my kids do while reminding me countless times her kids had high IQ’s and then upping the ante by chastising me for allowing my kids to attend Bethlehem schools I was done.

I don’t know where this fits – but I guess she was on some sort of low-carb diet so she was constantly tossing pieces of bread across the table.

Her kids went to Northampton by the way (she was from Bath – so I guess I have to expand my rule to never dating someone from the entire school district). There’s nothing wrong with the Northampton School district – but it’s not exactly Phillips Exeter up there (although they do have a good faculty dance team I’m told).

I had eaten about 3 bites of my sandwich and took the unprecedented move of ending the show early. “I’ll pay the bill” I told her…”You can leave.”

She sat there open-mouthed for a couple of minutes. “Word of advice” she said….”LOOSEN UP” and she left in a huff.

If YOU”VE had a dating horror story, or preferably just a funny date – write me a line (aaronin2016@gmail.com) – If I get enough maybe I’ll share them!

Have a great holiday!

30 Minute Blog: The Sad State of the Presidential Race

Goodness it's hard to keep a blog up. It's like the damn gym...You go, you feel great, you take ONE day off for a good reason and a day turns into two, into a week...

I really need to set aside 30 minutes/day to do this. No matter how bad some of the results may be! I have some topics in mind. I think I'll be posting more over the next few weeks!

On to the topic-du-jour.

OK. Like almost everybody, certainly the GOP establishment, I underestimated Trump. Early on in the primaries I wrote a blog predicting  that his popularity was sure to fade once the field started to thin. That amateur hour would be over once things really got going by the Summer the stage would be set for a battle royale of Hillary vs. Jeb.

I guess I got it half right - although Bill's wife certainly did her part to make me completely wrong, more on that later.

Jeb Bush - what a mess that turned out to be!.I actually believe he IS the "smart Bush." Say what you want about George Bush Sr - but he is a brilliant man who accomplished a lot - check his resume. As time went on it was obvious that Jeb also had the charisma of his Dad and lacked the "folksy charm" (to put it nicely) of his brother. His "please applaud" moment was cringeworthy. It knocked his campaign from life support to dead. I definitely got it wrong there.

In regards to Trump, he capitalized on a large (much bigger than I understood) segment of Republican voters who have intense disdain for anything having to do with the current Government. He has run a campaign with zero substance, laughing all the way. He understood. His main appeal is that he's not Senator Trump, Governor Trump - just an outsider who didn't give a hoot about playing the game by the old rules.

The lack of a formidable challenger certainly helped. It was almost comical how Kasich's name was in the conversation as long as it was. The guy won one primary. Nobody took him seriously except the media.

Oh - and the unabashed racists love him.

On the left it's not as bad, but it's hardly good. Six months ago it was generally accepted that Hillary was running unopposed. Bernie Sanders trailed by exponential margins and was mocked by talk show host for looking like that crazy Dr. from the Back to the Future movies. He was an unabashed socialist. He was old. REALLY old.

And yet - no candidate was able to connect with young voters better than him. He's won. He's won a LOT. 18 primaries as of this writing. If you're going by delegates - he's won 45%, He'd still be in the game except Clinton has 93% of the SUPER delegates.  It's a crappy system - but Hillary got screwed the same way in 2008.

While Hillary was never seriously challenged, she did manage to remind us that she's still an awful politician. She looks just plain uncomfortable, stiff, with people on the campaign trail.

Hillary should win the general election going away. Despite the vitriol that Republicans will spew, they continue to neglect that only appealing to straight white guys isn't enough to win the general election. Donald Trump has alienated a LOT of the voting segment - and yes the Republicans need a decent portion of the black and hispanic vote if they want to win. They don't appear to want to win.

But Mrs. Clinton faces her own challenges. You can make it about emails, Bhengazi, or policy all you want, but the fact is too many is that a strong man is a leader, a strong woman a bitch.  The vitriolic attacks she's going to face are going to be ugly - and she really needs to step up her game from her performance in the primaries. Fox News is already fawning all over themselves to kiss up to Trump - who essentially made this same news channel look like fools throughout the process. Trump will get 42% of the vote no matter what he does. Probably closer to 45%. Very few people vote on issues anymore - they vote what their favorite new channel tells them to.

Is anybody inspired? God no. Hillary began her run for the White House the second her husband passed the torch in 2000. Like Bob Dole, John McCain and Mitt Romney you get the impression she's the nominee because it's her turn - not because anyone is really excited about it.

Of course elections bring out the worst in social media. Get ready for nonstop memes and links to stories on biased websites. It's more painful every time. Dialogue is dead - and this election proves it's not going to improve anytime soon.

A Clinic in Bad Parenting - How NOT to Coach Your Son!

I can't remember the exact moment I crossed the line and became one of "those" Dad's.

Maybe it was when he was 9 and I signed him up to train with 3 different teams for the month of August so he could be adequately prepared for the upcoming fall season.

Maybe it was a few months later when he scored using his right foot when I felt he should have used his left. I told him on the way home that if I had been the referee I wouldn't have counted the point. "You're lucky you didn't get thrown out of the game." I told him.

It could have been the time I got tired of watching him dodge balls that were coming to hard at him and demanded that he kick the ball at me from point blank range as hard as he could to prove that it doesn't hurt.

Then there countless instances when parents would tell him he played a nice game and I muttered something like "don't get carried away, you stunk up the joint on defense."

Or maybe it was tonight.

Make no mistake - my son is a good athlete (he's not a bad  hoops player either fwiw.) He's got gifts. Stuff you can't teach.  I could have worked my ass off as a boy and never would have been half the player he is - God didn't bless me with his speed, his coordination, his strength.

His potential.

He's a good player,  but that's not enough for me.  I expect him to be great. I've actually told him he has a "responsibility" to be great. Who the hell am I? Vince Lombardi reincarnated? I coach youth soccer for God's sake!

Yes, since I'm putting it all out there I might as well admit it: I think scholarship. I know it's wrong. I know the odd - better than most parents.  I know that this kind of thinking is what makes some parents so stupid they kill their child's love for their passion. .

And then there's the fact that makes my thinking just plain asinine: He's fucking 12.

The teammate he had the longest. I pulled him from that team - I'm still not sure if I made the decision for the right reasons. 

What the hell is wrong with me?

I'm not trying to relive past glory through my son. I had no glory  - I had no athletic ability.

I'm not much better when I coach him at hoops. 

I'm not trying to make myself famous through him. I know some doubt that - but honestly I don't feel that's my motivation. I know myself pretty well.

But what drives my lunacy?

I want him to be what he can be,  or more accurately what I think he can be. I want him to be a star.

He doesn't get mad at my rants for the most part. He laughs them off. His sister clued him in a long time ago. But it doesn't change the fact that I want to strangle him every time I feel  like he's loafing - which is basically all of the time. . When he's just relaxing and enjoying himself rather than pushing himself hard to be better - I want to commit hari kari.

Jojo is a good-natured, fun-loving, perspective-having kid. In so many ways I wish I was more like him. And yet those qualities I adore become liabilities in my eyes  once the whistle blows. I want intensity. I want focus. I want him to kill himself trying.

This is so hard to write.

Tonight's practice was especially bad. I had a bad day at work.  I was surprised to find out I was going to be running practice this evening. The kids were acting like kids - goofing off, needing to be told 4 times to even think about doing anything I instructed them too...Normally I enjoy the stupidity of prepubescent boys - tonight it drove me insane.

Of course I didn't take it out on all of the kids. Jojo was my target. I called him lazy. I had him do a lap every time he screwed something up or I felt he was loafing. (Jojo's done a LOT of laps over time). I was harsh. Normally I mix my harshness with humor - there wasn't much balance tonight.

Toward the end of practice as we scrimmaged, Jojo made what I thought was a lazy effort defending the teams  most skilled player. I stopped practice and called the team over.

"Listen up everybody!" I shouted "my son is going to explain why it's a good idea to stand around like a doof when you're playing defense. Go ahead Jojo, tell them why it's a good strategy."



The boys laughed - not at Jojo but at the ridiculousness of their mentor. One of the players even said "nobody scored coach, relax. Jojo's good."

Jojo seemed to laugh it off. But 30 seconds later I saw that he was crying.

"What's wrong?" I asked - as if I had no idea what could POSSIBLY be wrong!

"You're yelling at me!" he said through tears. "Can I sit out?" He's NEVER asked to sit out before.

I barked that no he couldn't - that it's time he starts playing like he gave a crap.

There's nothing right about what I did. Some of you may be ready to call DYFS at this point. I realized I was out of hand. I took a deep breath and  I was actually ready to pull him aside and apologize.

The boy I don't want to lose. 

Except before I could do so, all of a sudden he started playing.

For five fricking minutes he was the player I know he can be. He battled up and down the field, The aforementioned skilled player who was abusing him all night all of a sudden couldn't do anything against him.  Five  minutes - as darkness was descending on a meaningless practice. Five minutes - I saw what I wanted. I saw he can be great.

But at what cost?

 I don't know. I do know that I don't belong coaching my son .Circumstances have led me to be coaching more practices than I thought I would.

For the sake of argument  - and ONLY that reason - let's assume he IS the best player on the team.

So what?

He can be the best player on the team, in the Lehigh Valley - whatever - but it's a HUGE world out there. On one level I understand the odds - but in parts of me I hate to think about I feel like he can play with anybody.

I need to calm down. I need to pull back before I kill his love for the game. I need to stop my rants at practice before him, and his teammates lose respect for me as a coach and a Father. Tonight I needed Mary to rein me in. Or my friend Brian who helped me coach my prior team - he was good about shutting me up when I was about to strangle my son.

But it's not really up to Mary or Brian is it?

It's up to me. As was pointed out by a wise man earlier: He's fucking 12

Maybe he'll decide he wants to be a great player, maybe he won't. Maybe he has the skills to be a great player, maybe he doesn't.

I'm told I'm a good Father regularly. I wasn't today.

Our first game of the Spring season is tomorrow. Redemption is a beautiful thing.

The Strange, Wonderful and RELAXING World of ASMR

Like so many people these days, sleep doesn't always come easily for me, and winding down at the end of the day can take hours.

For most of my life, I've taken the problem directly to big pharma and popped pills - be they OTC or the good stuff. (Note: EVERY single OTC sleep aid has the same active ingredient - every...single...one.) Sometimes I still resort to these remedies - but I'm increasingly trying other ways of slowing down my brain.I try to meditate - but quite honestly it's a discipline I just haven't mastered yet. Stopping my mind from barraging me with an endless stream of completely inane thoughts, concerns, memories and ideas by focusing solely on my breath is harder than dieting.

What an INSANE world we live in!

 Let's face it, we're all pretty much expected to check work email at least once at night.  Everybody in the universe has 24-7 access to you and God forbid you don't respond to their texts within a few minutes!

Many people  seem to resent anyone who takes time for themselves these days. Nobody needs 24-7 access to the Aaron Experience - especially considering up to 2 hours/day of it is watching Married With Children reruns! (every morning TBS shows at least four of them btw - just in case you "get it."

Enter ASMR.

It stands for "Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response " - a fact that frankly I didn't know until I googled it 30 seconds ago. You can do the same - a lot of people have mastered Google - and get a real definition as to what it is. But ASMR can't really be defined - it needs to be experienced.

If you were ever fortunate enough to have watched Bob Ross and his "Joy of Painting" show, well  that's as good place as any to start to explain ASMR.

I don't know what series of events led to me watching PBS in a lounge at Lafayette college - all I know is once I started watching this guy I didn't want to stop. He wasn't the kind of guy I would seek to  hang out with. I sure as hell don't know anything about art - but as he delicately painted some nature scene and he almost inaudibly whispered whatever the hell he was doing - well something just felt good about it. You couldn't help but relax.

Their used to be some cooking shows that used this concept. The host would quietly talk as he/she added the ingredients and you would watch them come together, listen to the sizzle of the pan and forget your worries for a while. Cooking shows aren't like this any more. Nobody loves Rachael Ray like I love Rachael Ray - but her appeal does not lie in her ability to calm me down. There was a cooking show I loved that featured some old guy - for the life of me I can't remember his name - but he dumped a LOT of wine into almost everything he cooked. Occasionally he'd quietly sing some Italian song. It was AMAZING television. He was so much better than Emeril or whatever flavor of the month chef is popular right now.

So getting back to the main point, I have a LOT of trouble falling asleep sometimes. For a while I was trying hypnosis which led me to some sort of whacky cult where the women dress like Mormon missionaries. Seriously - all of them where the same outfit and say the same thing - it's eerie scary!

But one good thing did come out of this.  I realized something: I really liked good looking girls talking to me while I was trying to fall asleep.

I don't recall the exact search term I used that led me into the magical world of ASMR - but it's my new favorite way to end the day.

One of the many reasons I have dubbed myself a freak is that I thought I was the only one who was relaxed by certain sounds or movements.  I actually get some perverse feeling of relaxation when  I'm speaking to someone who is quietly typing at a keyboard to input information I'm giving them.
When a doctor asks me to look straight ahead while they examine my eye with a bright light - I don't want it to end. I like getting my blood pressure taken - I LOVE having my lungs listened to with a stethoscope - and going to Supercuts to get my haircut is - ask anybody - the highlight of my month.

Little did I know that there's an entire WORLD of videos dedicated to kooks who relax to the aforementioned and similar sounds. Youtube has hundreds, if not thousands, of ASMR videos - many made by cute girls - that are made just to help me calm down! For FREE!!!!

So now my nightly routine is laying in bed with my Laptop while a cute young hottie does some roleplay designed to put me to sleep. You need to have good quality earbuds on or it just doesn't work as well - as the audio is a big part of the experience. The biggest challenge of this is finding what I'm in the mood for. I have two absolute favorites that I fall asleep too. I'll end with them - but rest assured there are hundreds more where they do cranial nerve exams - even HAIRCUTS!
So here are two of my favorites:

The first is by a girl who I consider the  ultimate queen of the ASMR genre: Heather Feather. Heather has at least 40 videos and they're all AWESOME but my favorite one is where she pretends to go inside your brain and fix whatever the hell is wrong. It's called "Brain Pause"








The second is where this lunatic witch casts a spell and...well I don't know what the hell happens because I've never made it through more than 10 minutes of the video without conking out.








Make no mistake - these videos are corny as hell - and I expect most of you will have a WTF feeling about the whole thing! But if you're an insomniac and you haven't tried this method yet - I encourage you to do so - I might even start up a support group!!!

Buy Some Candy! Don't Forget to Bring the Kids!!!

Yesterday, we in the Lehigh Valley decided we decided to concentrate on what really matters. While the rest of you saps were worried about international terrorism or whatever stunt media-whore Donald Trump was pulling, in eastern Pennsylvania we were engaged in a social media flame war that involved unruly children and a business owner who I would love to meet.

This is the age of social media, where any nitwit with a company-owned laptop can have a blog and any personal you issue you have can be brought out for all to see. What we know is a woman and her child visited a quaint, downtown Bethlehem candy store  and it didn't go to well. Let's turn it over to Tam Lyn, Tam?

Last Summer, TripAdvisor had overwhelmingly positive reviews for a place that turned out to be an absolute dump (That would be Diamond Cove Cottages, Lake  George NY) - and we all know people with personal vendettas like to write negative reviews. This little blurb would have sunk into obscurity if the owner had simply ignored it or given the standard boilerplate response along the lines of "At The Candy Lab, we pride ourselves on giving out patrons the best customer experience possible. We have been in business for over a decade and have had thousands of satisfied patrons, both young and old alike! We're sorry you did not enjoy your Candy Lab experience but hope you will visit us again to try our free samples as well as our chocolate covered bacon! We appreciate your feedback!"

Apparently the owner of Candy Lab skipped the day when they covered social media engagement at business school. Here was the response:

HELL YEAH BABY!!!! TAKE YOUR SCUMBAG KIDS AND YOUR MEASLY $30 AND GO POUND SAND!

At my age - anything I haven't seen 1,000 times is refreshing - and this response left me wanting more. "I had a big fish on the hook and you and your bratty kid we're about to screw it up! Go the hell elsewhere!"

I can't get enough of this woman!!! I wonder if she's single!

All of the local media outlets (all 3..maybe 4 of them) covered this story in depth and Facebook was full of endless discussions on the topic. A bunch of schleps went to the stores page and - you can see this coming - said that "as a parent, I'm appalled, I will never visit your store." They probably wrote these reviews on their iphone from the candy section at Walmart.

The customer's always right?! Ask anyone who has ever dealt with "the customer" how true that one is!


No - the owner's response probably wasn't smart - but there's no such thing as bad publicity. I may even take a stroll down there today - kids in tow. I LOVE Brownies!